When You Don't Like What You See Around You...

Look within you.

Sometimes when I get really stressed, my knee-jerk reaction is to, well, be a jerk.  It's easy; I can say something mean, which, for the moment is a relief, and then when aforementioned relief wears off, I can then wallow in self-pity.  Somehow this cycle of frustration and angst feeds ever so nicely into my perception of things, and then, well... watch out world!

As I get older, I am slowly learning that the idea of perpetuating this cycle of juvenile self-absorbed angst is only so helpful.  Although there is that momentary relief that comes from the comfort and familiarity of this twelve-year old reaction to a situation, there is then the later regret - the hesitation when you realize that just maybe someone saw your actions as reprehensible as you now find them.

I'm learning to appreciate the view around me.

In an attempt to stop chasing a life outside someone else's window, I've had to look at the view I have and try to figure out where the pieces fit together.  There are things I've seen I do not like, and with the help of some guidance from a very zen friend, I've learned that much of that comes from the way I project into the world.  If you don't like what you're experiencing, look at what you're doing to contribute to that experience - odds are, your actions have more to do with the result than you'd think.

Some people say things that are hurtful, and whether they mean it or not, they don't quite realize that in letting that kind of energy out into the world, it perpetuates and feeds, changing the way others experience the world in which they live.  I have, for many years, thought that if the view sucked, I could quite simply walk away.

That old adage - the one we all love to hate - says the grass is always greener on the other side.  Too bad we don't realize that until, after having crossed to the 'other side', we look back and realize that once again, we've pitted ourselves directly across from what we want.  There is no perfect nor is there a reasonable facsimile of it, but there is a way to see more of what you want in the world at large.

My current goal, instead of planning a great escape from these four walls and windows, is to look out, and appreciate my view, and then realize how good it is to see yourself reflected in the world.  Not to say I don't want to move on, forward, away... but for now I want to be that person who, in some way or another, manages to kiss the universe goodnight and hug the stars.