You Hesitate, You Die...

“You hesitate, you die…” as said by Dutchie, on Sea Patrol and never have truer words been spoken.  Or at least, not if you’ve ever driven in Sydney. 

I have driven on three continents now, and in major cities that usually invoke fear in even seasoned drivers:  New York City, Paris, Montreal, London, San Antonio (the loop at 1402 is terrifying!) and Toronto.  I never flinched with those drives, instead considering them an adventure. 

Driving in Sydney is hell.  There’s no other description. 

Aside from the typical problems (driving on the wrong side of the road, in a car that’s unfamiliar to me, and having the constant nattering of a four-year-old in the background…) there are a series of one-way streets, hyper-aggressive drivers, and distributor roads at every turn (for those of you who’ve never experienced them, imagine tunnels that are unidirectional and that have no exits, that are ‘cross-city’) Add to that hills of epic proportions, and lights that have very strange delays and you can only begin to imagine the nightmare that is driving in Sydney. 

It had been awful coming in on Sunday, as we realized that the streets changed names frequently, and that the hills were a problem for a novice manual-transmission driver…  Poor Jayne made the car make noises I have never heard before, and our poor little red focus was creating SMELLS I never knew possible. 

The hills were so steep (and the drivers so close to me) that I was terrified I’d hit someone trying to start the car…  I was frustrated and exhausted. 

Most of the week, we haven’t had to drive; both of our hotels have been in central locations so it’s been a cakewalk, but yesterday we had to drive to THIS hotel, and it was Jayne’s turn to drive.  On top of getting lost/getting detoured and just generally getting frustrated, Ben was on a ‘it’ll take ages’ kick, as he so enjoys, and I was getting snappy (neither of us had thought to write down the address of the hotel – and were paying for it dearly as we drove across the CBD!) 

Once we got here yesterday, Jayne decided the car was going back – she was NOT driving in this city again.  And after Sunday’s debacle getting into Sydney after our long journey, I was inclined to agree.

Since Jayne was still a little traumatized from yesterday, I chose to drive – and the first 15 seconds of our commute required us to cut across three lanes of traffic within about three feet, as to make the light and our turn or else face the eastern-distributor (again – he nearly killed us yesterday too!) 

Needless to say, that’s what inspired our blog title tonight.  Sydney is full of terrible drivers, and people who really make for some terrible pedestrians, so the combination of the two is sheer hell.  I highly recommend, if you ever visit Sydney, that you stay somewhere central and take the commuter rail – it’s economical and less stressful.  (Additionally, parking in this city is astronomical, almost as much so as Brisbane – if you enjoy extortionist rates of upwards of $30 a day, for no in/out privileges, by all means, drive, but… your unlimited rail pass for a WEEK would only be $41 – and gets you EVERYWHERE!  Family passes for 2 adults and one child are also available!) 

Now that the sticky, noisy Focus is back at Hertz, we can embrace our love of the city once more – we walked through Hyde Park, up to the Finger Wharves and saw Harry’s – a Sydney icon who sells pies topped with mushy peas and gravy.  The smell was quite tantalizing, but my level of bravery was significantly lower; I opted to wait for lunch even though I was ravenous. 

Next we trudged back up a million stairs, and into the Botanical Gardens to see Mrs. McQuarrie’s Chair – a lovely lookout onto the harbour and the best way to get pictures of the bridge and the opera house from dry land.  There were a million tourists – and it was hot, sticky, and maybe a little warmer than we would have enjoyed for our probably 10 km trek however after the downpour earlier this week, we opted not to complain. 

After the gardens, we wandered up to Circular Quay and caught the Manley Ferry.  This is a must-do for anybody visiting the area.  Manley is a gorgeous little beach, but more importantly, the ferry ride gives you incredible perspective. 

As you travel the harbour shores, you get to glimpse at the various suburbs of this enormous city.  From filthy rich to moderately so, and then on to probably middle-class, you can check out various homes near the water.  You can also get a view of the naval yards, the Gap, and of course our ever favourite bridge and Opera House. 

From the water, you don’t feel like a part of the city.  It’s more like this completely serene out of body experience where you watch it disappear, into a sea of puffy white clouds and blue sky, with incredible bursts of reality; cities blend into cliffs, and then beaches, and so on. 

Tomorrow’s my last day here, before I begin the journey back.  I would stay here in a heartbeat, and happily embrace the ‘no worries’ lifestyle that I’ve been able to sample the past few weeks. 

Looking back at my early pictures from Melbourne, it feels like a completely different time and place – at that time, everything felt so foreign, and now, after weeks immersed in the culture and amongst the people, I’m happy to say I feel much more comfortable with the marvels that are Australia. 

(As an aside, I land Saturday evening at 5:55 pm after traveling for just over 24 hours – once you include all the time at the airport and the 20 hours of flying…  I’m thinking I’ll be a zombie next week at work – hmmm… maybe I should go back to Melbourne?)

Three More Sleeps...

I was starting to lose hope that I'd get to see any sunny moments in Sydney before I begin my journey back on Saturday.  The rain was coming down in sheets creating a wall of hard rain that made it foreboding as you'd step out onto the street.  It was warm, but completely deceptive because the minute you'd get outside, you'd be drenched, and the harbour wind would cut right through you.

I was starting to hate Sydney - because I couldn't fault anything else...

This morning, when I woke up, the grey skies were ominous but slightly more optimistic than last night, when our 'room with a view' wouldn't even let us see five feet out the panoramic window.  Still, by the time we showered, dressed, and readied to go out, the rain began again.

Because we were changing hotels (and moving on to the posh hotel in Darling Harbour, sans view, but of epically great location) we opted to move the car and make the most of it.  In pouring rain, we drove out, with the intent to do the beaches of Sydney - and if need be sneak out during moments of lesser rain to snap some photos.

The first few beaches were hard to see - sadly, the amount of rain we received was making the views impressive to see, but incredibly difficult to photograph.  According to the news, this rain fall broke records more than seven years old.  All I can say is, thank you, mother nature.  (The heartless bitch!)

Pleasantly though, as we moved on, from beach to beach, we were able to get more and more sunlight and suddenly the day was looking up.

By the time we made it to Waverley Cemetery, it was a beautiful combination of tempestuous and barely-hidden sun creeping out to welcome us.  It was incredible.

The day rebounded fantastically, allowing us several glorious hours of wandering, picture-taking, and enjoying the city.  We toured the Chinese Garden of Friendship, walked the harbour and then walked back up to Paddy's Markets before coming 'home' to the hotel, and diving into the most luxurious pool I have ever had the pleasure of swimming in.

I rescind all negative feelings I was beginning to harbour against Sydney, and acknowledge that patience is not a virtue I've ever been accused of possession.  I will, however, note that weather rainy or sunny, there is something magical about this place; even during the most depressing moments of meteorological hell, there is something that makes you want to discover more.

Only three more sleeps until this incredible trip comes to an end.  I'm ready to see my kitties, to have a phone call that doesn't cost $2 a minute to dial, and to see my friends and family back home, but otherwise, I really could stay here forever.

I think there will definitely be a time when I need to come back, and I hope that time is sooner rather than later.

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

For the past two weeks, we have had amazing weather - weather that, by all standards, completely skewed my perception of fall in Australia.

Mother nature decided to kick my ass, and I'm not impressed.

It's been raining for two days straight, and though it's provided excellent opportunity to frequent some local museums, it would be nice to be able to go out and see the sights in the open air.  We've already visited the Maritime Museum, which offered an interesting account of the history of the settlement of Australia and the Navy, and then we wandered to the Australia Museum.

Now, in all fairness, I have been spoiled - I've been the to Smithsonian twice, and I live a stone's throw from the Museum of Civilization in Ottawa.  I've also had the joy of visiting museums in Paris, and London, as well as throughout the US.  I'm a bit of a museum snob.

The Australia Museum was a huge let down by all counts.  Not only were the exhibits mostly closed (though there was no notice of that at the time of paying admission) but there were a variety of stuffed animals that were to pass as an exhibit.  We've been to the Australia Zoo and saw the animals when they were alive, but seeing them stuffed was disconcerting.  Even more so when Ben asked a random stranger if they were real, and her response being 'yes, but now they're dead...'  Uh, ok, crazy hippy bitch?!  Explain that to a four year old.

The rest of the exhibits (all two of them) were spent explaining that the animals were a) real and b) dead. We still don't know their cause of death.  The kangaroo looked like he took on a mac truck, but at least now we know why we saw no wildlife during our travels; they're all stuffed and in the Australia Museum in Sydney!

This evening we have sat in, watching bad tv (the only type they have in Australia) and ignoring Ben as he refuses to go to sleep.  It's working very well, actually, as we're eating dessert and vegging.  I'm starting to realize that Australia's population is seriously screwed as pretty much everyone here is driving their cars over cliffs, or fishing on the rocks and finding themselves dead (and possibly taxidermied for the upcoming exhibits in the Australia museum) But having watched their tv, we can understand why.  When 'A Current Affair' is running an expose on 'The Impregnator', we can rest assured, it's bad.

And now, we're watching Australia's Got Talent - and they don't, I swear!

I'm a little worried about the state of the nation: a leader of the opposition who admits he lies when on the spot, bad TV, and a national museum that sucks?  Thank God they have gorgeous beaches, beautiful people, and a reasonably nice climate...

I still love Australia, don't get me wrong...  I'm just learning the bits I like more than others.  ;)

In Sydney! FINALLY!

After traveling several thousand kilometers, we arrived in Sydney this afternoon just after 2PM.  We were tired, cranky, bored – the ride was definitely lacking in adventure (and stops) so by the time we rolled into the hotel in Potts Point, we were ready to get out and get to seeing things. 

Our room has a view of the bridge, and of the Opera house, and though we wouldn’t normally splurge on things like that there is something to be said for such a welcome to the city.  The plan we had originally was to spend six days in this hotel, however when the exchange rate went to pot, we opted to spend three nights here, and our next three at the Radisson just on the border of Chinatown – and near several of our intended sights! 

This afternoon we wandered through Potts Point, and also through Kings Cross.  Kings Cross is seedy and lovely in a very strange red light district sort of way.  Several of the merchants are open twenty-four hours and it has an impressive selection of scandalous people.  It was a fabulous introduction to what I would typically consider a rather first-class city. 

This evening, we did the responsible thing – we went through our luggage and packed it to see how much space we have left for shopping this week, and to figure out what if anything needs to be shipped back.  My luggage is still in fairly good shape, so I look forward to being able to acquire a few more bits before I leave on Saturday morning.  

Tomorrow’s itinerary is much more exciting than today’s: we’ll wander the harbour, as well as some of the CBD.  Our goal is to make it up to Hyde Park to people watch at lunchtime, and maybe take the Ferry out to Watson’s Bay for the afternoon. 

This time next week, I’ll be preparing to head back to Ottawa.  I’m already thinking about how to get back here, and see more of this amazing place. 

Now that we’ve found out how to find reasonably priced food and drink, it seems like a much more attainable place to be!  

Are Any of You a Foreigner?

(Pictures were to be included, but this internet connection... sucks... sorry all!)

Imagine my surprise when a rather round woman in bad glasses leaned her head into our car while we were parked at the giant banana (on our quest to make a giant smoothie) and asked us that very question. 

I admit, I was somewhat surprised.  “Depends on what you call a foreigner – I’m from Canada.  They’re from the UK,” I said, pointing at Jayne and Ben. 

“See?  I told you we’d be able to cross a few things off the list here,” she said, gesturing to the three young kids there with her (who were making crude gestures while in the shadow of the massive phallic fruit).

Apparently – and I wonder what this is all about even to this point – they were doing a birthday scavenger hunt and on the list were things like ‘take picture with a foreigner’, ‘take a picture with a giant phallic fruit’ (I’m guessing on that one), and ‘kiss a stranger’ – we helped them with two out of their three, and the banana took care of the rest. 

Also on our travels, we were able to track down a few more giant things: a giant avocado (at, you guessed it, Tropical Fruit World) and also a giant shrimp.  That was sheer luck. 

This has been the summary of our day, during our travels from Surfer’s Paradise, to Coffs Harbour in New South Wales.  This is our third state and is a great start to our third week.  Tomorrow we end up in Sydney – one day after Jessica Watson, thankfully. 

Tonight we’re exhausted, and all feeling somewhat under the weather.  Ben’s been asthmatic and coughing, Jayne’s been achy, and I managed to do in my leg a couple days ago – clearly we’d be terrible gypsies as we’re so fatigued after two weeks of constant movement.  My daily regiment for healing has included an excessive number of over-priced naproxen and fists full of ibuprofen.  I must be in tip-top shape for the six days of walking I have ahead of me! 

We’ve taken this evening to relax – we’ve curled up in bed with bad movies and stuffed animals – a slew of stuffies, actually – and plan to retire quite soon.  We’ve got a long drive tomorrow to get to Sydney, and then thankfully we have three nights in one hotel before we move on to three nights in our final hotel. 

Since today was a quiet day, spent mostly in the car, on the beach, and in bed (what a luxurious combination!) I decided to share some previously acquired knowledge with you – it seems only fair to keep you updated of all the goings-on here in Oz. 

A few interesting things we’ve noticed on our travels:

-            Australians are paranoid about dying in car accidents (or at least in Queensland as every traffic sign en route seems to be berating drunk drivers and those who travel with fatigue…) We know now that this holds true for NSW as well, as they are constantly berating people for their poor driving – whether on bulletin boards, TV adverts or with speed posting signs.  In watching and reading the daily news, I’ve come to learn that a disproportionate number of Australians do actually die in automobile accidents.  The only rationale I can come up with as to why is boredom.  Or wandering Cassowaries. 

-             Bananas quite possibly grow in bags, as evidenced by the farms along the way, and if they do, you are not allowed to move them as they are apparently quarantined.  Does that strike anyone else as worrisome considering we eat them?  Also quarantined is sugarcane – which at one point we almost thought was corn. 

-            When we came to Australia, we expected to find animals in the wild – it may have been a naïve tourist sensitivity expecting the great wild, however we were not prepared for the fact that the only animals we seem to find are roadkill – a wombat, a small kangaroo, and several small feathered things that were beyond identification.  After two weeks and thousands of kilometers, we’ve still not seen any of the aforementioned wildlife alive 

-            Australian media gets away with a lot more than our North American media outlets.  Where as we have very subdued billboards, theirs are really quite dirty and funny.  One sign for Mission Beach (a famous location for swimming, skydiving and hostelling) read: “Get High, Get Wet, Get Laid” and beside each was a picture – one of a skydiver, another of a swimmer, and the final of a person laying in bed.  Brilliantly funny.  There was another sign further along that said ‘Tired and Drunk Drivers RIP’.  So do you spontaneously die because you’re tired and/or drunk or is that a preventative thing? 

-            Bacon comes not in strips, but in rashers, and is similar to pea-meal bacon but way better: less ham-y and more yummy.

            

Muppets are Bootilicious - Seriously!

Today, I learned many things. 

I learned that dolphins experience 13 months of gestation (and in captivity, are content enough to have ultrasounds), that sting rays are really very placid (and have no teeth), that Disney has yet again failed me, as starfish are bumpy and hard, as opposed to soft and fluffy, and that muppets can really shake their groove-things.  Seriously. 

As you can probably tell, Sea World was incredibly educational for me. 

It was a good day in all, except for gay pirates that seemed to be stand-ins for the Highschool Musical cast, and with a very questionable accent, no less. 

I also learned that polar bears, apparently, want to be brown bears as they rolled in mulch that made them look like Yogi, even sharks don’t want to live in Canada, and it’s fun to get wet. 

Watching Bert and Ernie’s Island Holiday at Sea World was something akin to hell for me, but Ben seemed to love it.  The cast – Bert and Ernie, of course, Big Bird, Grover, Cookie Monster, Zoe and Elmo – were all pretty into their songs too, shaking their respective booty in ways that I was unaware muppets could.  Elmo, in particular, seemed to have a shimmy unbecoming of a respectable, red monster*. 

Now, the premise of this show – which at best would be described as 15 minutes of frolicking fur – was that Bert and Ernie went on vacation in the Caribbean and discover that they enjoyed it very much.  They liked their island, the banana tree (that was apparently completely foreign to them) and the random musical numbers that they kept breaking out into. 

This is when I realized that somewhere along the way, Jayne and I have morphed into Bert and Ernie.  I refuse to consider too seriously who is who, as neither is a particularly good option, but seeing as we’re both on our very own ‘tropical’ island, having just discovered banana trees for the first time, and cranking the tunes in the car at decibels that would be ear-deafening to most, it is worrisome.  My only consolation is that we have better shoes and eyebrows. 

We spent quite a long time at Sea World, which was a good thing considering how ridiculously expensive it was for admission (A$72/pp) and how many things were actually closed for seasonal renovation.  Thankfully, being off season also meant that there were almost no queues and that we were able to get up close and personal with the animals (though it in no way compares to the awe I still feel for the Australia Zoo) 

Aside from the dodgy Sesame Street show and the animal facts, Ben and I rode on a Splash Mountain-style ride that apparently took us deep into the Bermuda Triangle to be abducted by aliens – Ben loved it.  I don’t remember being quite so brave at four, but the poor thing drives with Jayne and me regularly so he is likely already accustomed to fast starts, strange stops, and what must feel like plummeting to the earth periodically. 

We had yummy soft-serve ice cream with lime-flavoured syrup and were so steaming hot that we drank what felt like a billion bottles of water.  So many Aussies were there, in ten layers and dressed as if it were ten degrees.  We were wishing we could remove more layers. 

Dinner tonight was at a cool Irish pub complete with a crazy A$10 Steak dinner, and live musical accompaniment.  It felt very much like a regular dinner out – just as I would have in Ottawa or whatever destination I might be living in.  As much as I’m not enamored with Surfer’s Paradise, I am very much in love with Australia itself. 

Before I got here, I had written it off as a neat place to go with a friend however it had never been a dream destination for me.  Now I very much consider Australia as a place to which I must return, for as long as I can manage, and next time around I have a much better idea as to how to plan, and what the financial demands will be. 

Tomorrow marks my two weeks here – I feel like it’s been much longer, and still not long enough.  Next week is the more luxurious part of the journey, with us in Sydney from Sunday on, and staying in four-star accommodations for the entirety.  I look forward to the adventure, perhaps to more time walking around solitarily, and also more time to get to know my amazing little Squidge, who has grown up so much already – and even in the past couple of weeks. 

*I have taken quite a bit of flack from Jayne for labeling Elmo a monster, as apparently his species is adequately described as ‘Muppet’ where as I think that’s far too broad of a classification.  As per Jayne, muppet is adequate as a descriptor and calling him a monster implies something negative; I counter that not all monsters are inherently bad, but that it’s their actions that define whether they’re good or bad (as it does with humans).   By that classification, Cookie Monster, Grover, Elmo and Zoe would be monsters, while Big Bird is obviously just that, and Snuffleupagus is just a hairy, earless mutant elephant with gender issues (am I the only one who remembers her to be a him during their youth?)  Jayne says I’m a labeler; Ben agrees with me.

Goodbye Noosa. Hello Brisbane, Goodbye...

Today was one of those days I sometimes have on vacation, when I no longer know where I am, or what I’m doing.  The day of the week, the time of day – everything – has become completely unknown to me.  I woke up startled this morning, confused as to where I was, until reality sunk in and I recognized the fabulous apartment we had while in Noosa. 

I can’t decide if the confusion is good or bad, as I know that reality is waiting for me somewhere on the other side of the earth.  Either way, I choose not to dwell. 

Instead, I’ve plugged in my iPod, and begun listening to my newly acquired Mumford & Sons CD that I picked up at the Big W in Noosa .  In case you’re unaware, they are a band out of London (UK) who sing a kind of folky-rock.  It’s brilliantly done and they are played repeatedly here (they’re number one on the Australian charts…) I’ve picked up dessert from the hotel restaurant, and tucked myself in with the laptop to tap away.  I consider dessert in bed with a computer therapy: does that make me unwell? 

This morning we set out for Brisbane, intent on partaking in some retail therapy.  En route, we encountered a much-advertised giant Pineapple.  If we continue with such luck at finding giant fruit, by the time we leave, we’ll have enough to make a giant smoothie.  (As an aside, on our way to Sydney, we’ll be driving past a theme park called ‘Tropical Fruit World.  In front of it, there’s a giant avocado – searching out these absurd giant things is a lovely challenge…)

Once in Brisbane, we felt somewhat redeemed in our decision to skip staying in the city itself; it’s friggin’ expensive!  Even the parking was far too rich for our blood, weighing in at about A$65 for a 6 hour stay – and at best, just under A$50 for a half-day’s parking. 

Instead of staying in the CBD, as we usually do, we instead went to South Bank where we found parking for less (a bargain at A$16) and lots of activities for Ben.  South Bank is really a great place; there’s the world’s largest IMAX screen, as well as lots of little shops, restaurants, another fabulous lagoon/beach, a small ‘rainforest’ and miles of coastline. 

Jayne and Ben stayed in the park and splashed about in the water.  I, being the intrepid explorer that I am, could not quite fathom spending my day sitting in a park.  I would like to say that as much as I enjoy parks, I wanted to see a little more than one-square city block. 

With only a few hours, I managed to travel from South Bank to the CBD (by foot), walked about twenty blocks, and then hopped on the city ferry to do a tour up the river. 

The city ferry is a part of a water-based travel option for residents here: think city bus on water.  The rides are inexpensive (I had an unlimited day pass for only A$5.10) and can take several hours if you have so much time to invest.  Even more interesting is that on the schedule, they list all the points of interest, and how best to see them – so you can get a little mini-tour out of it, without it costing a fortune. 

On the Ferry, I met three lovely women from Sydney who were doing the circuit (about 2 hours in total on that particular line) and actually had a son-in-law who works in the hotel we’re staying in when we get to Sydney – small world!  We chatted as I snapped away, and caught up on my Brisbane geography. 

Once I got off at Eagle Point Road, I met a lovely man from China who traveled to Brisbane for business.  We chatted for ages while waiting, and then took the Ferry back to South Bank. 

What I find most interesting about travel is how much you get from the experience when you’re alone.  I always end up meeting such incredible people – when I was in New York last, I met a lovely couple from Scotland, a family from Kentucky, and a couple of Aussies.  Same can be said for previous travels alone – being alone means you have to interact with others.  Love it. 

Eventually I abandoned my new friends to catch up with Jayne and Ben, and we set out for Surfer’s Paradise. 

I don’t know what expectation I had of Surfer’s, except that I can say it was not at all what I expected.  Think Myrtle Beach except warmer (all year long) and maybe even tackier – seriously!  It’s not bad, the level of kitsch on display here, but it is funny – one street there’s a few dozen stores like Hermes, Gucci, Tiffany (swoon) and Fendi, but then the next block there’s everything you could ever want for one dollar.  I don’t get it. 

Surfer’s is definitely not on my to-redo list, for future travels, but I’ve been here, done this, so next time around I won’t feel guilty when I plan my travels around it.